You Know I Loved You
by Darkness.of.the.Day
Summary: Snape x Lily; Canon; Unrequited love; One-shot. Snape talks to Lily. In his head or out loud, however you prefer to interpret Read and review please :


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Some language. Nothing too bad. I think only two uses of 'bad language'.

Enjoy.

And review if you could possibly spare a couple of seconds more... ;)

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You know I never wanted to break your heart, you know I never wanted to hurt you. So why now, so long after, do you think of me as the devil? Why now are you the victim and I the perpetrator?

You think it's easy for me.

That's not a question; it's a statement.

You look at me with such utter loathing I wonder why I bother. One day you'll regret doing this, one day you'll look at me and wonder what you could have had.

But till that day comes, you'll watch me with only contempt; I, the foulest creature to walk this earth.

You always were so high and mighty.

People were right when they called you pretentious; you are and many hate you for it.

I didn't though. I was ready to forego all your faults just to have you with me.

It's not fair.

But then life isn't is it?

Only you've got your "prince". At least you're happy.

I guess that is to be my only condolence, yes?

I thought so.

You kept saying how I hurt you, how I ruined everything; do you have any idea what you're doing now? Do you have any idea how much you've hurt me?

No, or course you don't.

It was only ever about you.

And I was happy with that… Evidently you weren't.

But you know, when you rejected me, when _you_ accused _me_ of breaking your heart, I'd never felt more lost.

I guess you could be blamed, then, for my initiation to the dark side.

Yes that will serve me better.

I can blame you now.

No longer do I have to wallow in self-worthlessness, here's you ready made to blame.

But don't worry my darling; I could never truly blame you.

But I will blame that son of a bitch who took you from me.

He deserves to be blamed.

Hell, he deserves to be skinned alive for what he did.

You know I hate him don't you?

You know that's why I did what I had to.

It wasn't because of you. I didn't want you to go, just him.

I'd asked for you to be spared; he ignored me.

I changed sides though, for you.

Having your blood on my hands… I guess it changed me.

I'm sorry it had to come to that by the way. Of course I wouldn't have liked even that damned husband of yours to go this way. That wasn't my intended plan for revenge.

How was I supposed to know you were pregnant anyway?

I hadn't seen you in years…

Well in my head I had, but that's a whole different story.

Your son looks like him.

I hate him on principle now.

And he stole your eyes.

Bastard.

He's the person I love most in the world, mixed with the one I hate most.

And I have to look at him every single day…

It damn well sucks.

The Head told me I should be nice to the boy. I promised I would.

I backtracked on that promise first day; after all, how was I meant to know he would look like his ruddy father.

I still saved him though.

Now that's something you would never have guessed, isn't it?

He's incredibly difficult to keep alive; being chased by the darkest wizard of all times as he is.

But I did it, it assuaged my guilt slightly.

The boy has none of your talents at potions.

He takes after his father in that aspect.

I miss you, I love you; you're mine.

And no I don't care if you belong to someone else.

I still want you, and miss you.

The boy needs to die.

He deserves to anyway.

He attacked me the other day you know, some violent child you had there.

He helped that effing mongrel to escape from the school _on the back of a hippogriff._

Honestly, have you ever heard of such a ridiculous escape plan? Well I guess you have, you married his father.

And why anyone would ever want to help a dog to escape, I shall never understand.

The boy works in curious ways, as does the Head whose speeches are turning more into riddles by the day.

I must admit, the boy holds your charm, if only he knew how to use it.

Coupled with the complete utter lack of tact he inherited from his father, he's a complete failure with girls.

You should have seen him at the ball… it was a sight to behold anyhow.

Why am I talking about your damned son anyway?

_He's_ back you know, the one who killed you.

They say your sons going to kill him… I'd like to see that happen…

I've been sent to work for him again, as a double agent.

I've changed all my ways since you left me.

I wonder now if you'd have stayed with me, if I had shown you this side of myself back then.

I wonder a lot of the time.

I don't know quite what to do any more. I feel lost, caught in the middle of a time warp.

I miss you so much nowadays. All I want is to be with you.

Your son lost his godfather to the veil.

I know, killed by drapery, not exactly a gallant way to go.

He was quite cut up about it though, your son, I thought he'd gone made to be quite honest; stalking and harassing a ghost to find out if his animagus friend would return.

I expressed my worries to the Head who, as per usual, ignored me as though I were part of the decoration.

He's gone.

The one we all rallied round, the one who would help us win this war.

Without him, there seems little hope, although many have put theirs in your little boy.

Funny that.

I'm headmaster now… If only you could see me now, hey? You'd never have to look away.

I try to make life easier for the students.

It's easier said than done for some, namely those of your _noble_ house.

Honestly at least the snakes knew when to hold their tongues and avoid the torture.

Your lot were never very good at staying quiet though, must have had something to do with their enormous egos and heads as big as the moon.

I have a feeling I'm going to die soon.

You know when you get that tingling inside of you, the one that warns you when you're going to die.

A _death radar_ I guess you could call it.

I need to find that dratted son of yours first…

For some reason I will never quite understand, I feel the need to tell him why, so that at least one person in this world of the living know how much I love you and what a fool you were.

I'm dying.

This is it.

He's just set that ruddy snake on me.

I knew I should have killed it when it was born… evil, twisted creature.

Your sons with me you know, I'm giving him my memories.

Maybe he'll think I'm a hero.

Maybe he'll even name his first male child after me.

Pfft. The day one of _them_ name a child after one of _us_ will be a very sad day indeed.

It's a shame really that I'm the last, and I'm going to die.

No-one left to carry on the name; not that it was a very nice name but still, it would have been nice to know it wouldn't all die with me.

I'm looking into your son's eyes, pretending they're yours, pretending there's red hair cascading down your back, mixing with my own charcoal black.

You know, our hairs did make a lovely clash.

And I did love your eyes.

They were the colours of my house. I _told _you, you were destined for them, not the noble twats.

Everything's going dark. Or light.

I can't quite remember which way was which.

This seems neither dark nor light.

Maybe I'm going to see you.

I don't know, I hope so, but I just don't know.

Remember you will be forever in my heart.

Lily Evans I love you.


End file.
